A Cancer Survivor’s Greatest Takeaways from Cancer and Adventure [Beyond Limits 4]
"Beyond Limits 4 was a HUGE wake-up call for me."
This is Zoe,
and this article features an interview with her, where you will get insights to her journey with cancer, and with us during our latest charity expedition.
Zoe, a rectal cancer survivor who chose to join us on the fourth edition of our Beyond Limits charity expeditions, announced that this is the ONE statement that best captures her experience with us in Mongolia. Intrigued, I found myself leaning closer towards my laptop screen…
45 minutes later, as I closed my laptop to take a break from staring at the screen, my heart and mind spun in awe and wonder.
This article captures the way a cancer survivor beautifully navigates her challenges and her key insights from her journey during Beyond Limits 4, where we entered the icy kingdom of Khuvsgul, Mongolia. We trekked 50km on an icy lake over four days, at temperatures plunging below -20 degrees, in efforts to raise $100,000 in funds for the Singapore Cancer Society. (Here’s the official video our videographer, Paul, has produced to tell the story of our journey.) As you read, you will also catch glimpses of Zoe’s struggles with cancer, post-cancer, and the very reasons why she is thriving today beyond the limits of her cancer.
Here are some photos of Zoe after her operations! She has had four so far, and these photos are a testament to her endurance and resilience as she marches through each round of cancer.
Oh, and in the spirit of Zoe? Have fun while reading this. (You’ll soon understand why I say so!)
Now, let’s begin!
Q: COULD YOU SHARE WITH ME MORE ABOUT WHO YOU ARE?
I wanted us to learn more about Zoe, beyond her identity as a cancer survivor.
“Hey Zoe, what are 1-3 words you feel best describe your personality?”
“Ooooh. Optimistic, because I like to see hope even when things get tough. Fun, and definitely resilient.” Zoe answered confidently, never faltering even once. She then introduced me to her cancer story, beginning with how she has survived cancer four times, with her survival rate dropping from 65% to 20%. “Cancer cost me my rectum, half of my right lung, early menopause, and very soon, a permanent stoma.” (Her decision to use a permanent stoma will come later in the article.)
One thing I’ll soon come to adore about this woman is how she could share about these with such lightness, yet not in a way that’s ‘toxic positivity’. The kind of curveballs she has received are detrimental, yet she talks about her cancer as though these are simply… curveballs. She embraces what life has to give, exactly as they are. Her optimism has this ability to influence whoever is listening to her to regard every of life’s problems as challenges that can be overcome. Keep reading, and maybe you’ll understand more of what I mean.
In my conversation with Zoe, I also learned more about the beliefs she has chosen to adopt when approaching life’s twists and turns.
“Happiness is a choice. When we face stress or upsetness, how often are they because of conditions in our life?”
Zoe’s hand gestures clearly indicate how passionate she is about this attitude she adopted.
“During BL4, for example, everywhere is dung. Cow dung or maybe even human dung. Who knows? In Singapore, maybe people would think this is horrible, to be surrounded by so much dung. But here in Mongolia? I was shocked to learn that they use dung as fuel, which created a huge realisation for me.” Zoe paused, before revealing the one insight she took away from this experience.
"Sometimes life is shitty. Why not let shitty things be useful and turn them into fuel to fire up your life? It’s like how despite what’s happening for you, you got to make a choice to be happy."
Another belief Zoe lives by, is this; “When we are blessed, be the blessing to others.” She believes that this is how the world can become a better place. Being a blessing to others can look like volunteering, giving donations, or doing a shout-out for events that serve good causes.
Zoe staring out into the horizon, as the van transports her across the ice.
“I’m also a “Not now, then when?” person. Usually, I would never go to any place below zero degrees. My chemo treatment damaged my nerves, especially at my hands, palms, and feet. When the temperature drops below 10 degrees Celsius, I feel numb and in pain. So deciding to go for Beyond Limits 4 was hard; it’ll be so uncomfortable for me! But I just went, ‘Aiya, if not now, then when?’ So I took a leap of faith.”
“And the last one? Gratitude changes everything. When we have gratitude, we lower expectations. We are grateful for everything that happens to us. This allows us to face life challenges with ease.” Zoe states this last belief firmly, and there was this strong conviction in her words and her way of being.
Q: WHY WAS BEYOND LIMITS 4 A WAKE-UP CALL FOR YOU?
Remember how we started this article? That was Zoe’s one statement to summarise her experience at Beyond Limits 4. “Before I went on this expedition, I had another major decision in my life to make. It’s one of the biggest decisions in my life; whether to remove my rectum, and use a bag to pass out faeces for the rest of my life. I’ve been saying no to it because… which human wants to have an internal organ sticking out of their body for the rest of their lives?”
Zoe went on to reveal that she made her decision to go ahead with a permanent stoma during BL4 itself. But first, she began sharing about why she even had to consider removing her rectum and inserting a permanent stoma in the first place.
"I feel… the toilet is my prison."
A picture of Zoe as she conquered the 50 km route.
Ever since I lost my rectum to cancer, I have to stay in the toilet for about 4-5 hours a day to finish clearing my faeces. The longest I ever had to stay in the toilet was 20 hours straight! I carry a pad with me wherever I go, to prevent uncontrollable leakage of faeces when I’m out.” Zoe continued to openly share about the conditions she has to live with, because of her cancer.
“... And until today, I sleep in a sitting position because whenever my body is relaxed, the faeces start to move and leave uncontrollably. Also, I will be troubled by midnight bowels once every 2-3 days; these start at about 2-3 am and last for a couple of hours, affecting my rest for the night.”
Zoe chuckled light-heartedly, further sharing how because she cannot control her bowels, she might have diarrhoea whenever she eats because she has no rectum to hold it. So during Beyond Limits 4, Zoe barely ate at all, only settling for clear soup and a bit of meat each meal. Going back to her decision to have a permanent stoma, Zoe’s past experience with a temporary stoma allowed me to better understand why this was such a tough decision for her.
“I tried using a temporary stoma before, for about a year. But it felt (like a) ‘burning’ (sensation) and was really inconvenient. And there was constantly a fear of infections too, since an organ meant to be in my body was now hanging outside my body.” At this point, I could guess the reason why despite the suffering that a permanent stoma could bring, Zoe is choosing to go ahead with it. But, wanting zero assumptions and 100% truth from the interviewee herself, I gently probed her again.
“So, what about your experience in Beyond Limits 4 got you to say yes to using a permanent stoma from now on, even though there are such uncomfortable consequences?”
Zoe’s eyes sparkled, and her answer came immediately. “I want to break out of my prison. I want to be freed. I want freedom. Beyond Limits 4 has been one of my happiest trips so far, and it made me realise that I no longer want to be stuck several hours in a toilet each day. There’s so much I’m missing out.”
"I wish to travel the world, alone or with somebody else, and take charge of my life."
Q: WHAT WERE SOME MOMENTS THAT LEFT YOU FEELING SUPPORTED IN YOUR JOURNEY WITH CANCER, DURING THE EXPEDITION?
“BL4 is only the second time I’ve ever traveled with people who are not my family. Because who is willing to wait for me for three hours because she needs to be in the toilet? Not every stranger can tolerate me going to the toilet hour after hour, and staying in there for such a long time. During my first trip with non-family members, it made me emotional and sad because of how they didn’t understand or empathise with my condition. This first experience made me almost not choose to go for BL4. Scott was the one who constantly reassured me that this group will be different.
And he was right.
They took care of me. I’m thankful for this group they are very accommodating. This is so far, my happiest trip. All of them showed empathy. Empathy is something many people say but don’t do. But this group truly showed up for me.
A group photo of the Beyond Limits 4 team!
One memorable moment for me was during one of our training sessions pre-expedition. We were trekking near the marina, suddenly my stomach felt really uncomfortable. The place we are passing by has all condos and no public toilets. The team decided to do a shoutout to residents in the surrounding residence to allow me in to use their toilet. They showed such great understanding of my condition during the expedition too, constantly checking in on how I am.”
“Scott also made special arrangements to take care of me; on day 2, he assigned Allegra to be my buddy and even a van that follows me, ready to ferry me to the edge of the lake whenever I need to go.”
Q: WHAT WAS A MOMENT DURING BEYOND LIMITS 4 THAT LEFT AN IMPACT ON YOU?
“Because it was the Mongolian New Year, none of the hotels had any space for us to stay for the night! We had to make a choice; whether to camp on the frozen lake, which is a terrible idea because its crazy cold… or travel through the ice through the night, which is a scary idea because the ice on the lake had cracks in it (because of the trekking they had done in the day). It seems dangerous to drive across it at night. We eventually took the second option.”
Zoe, looking amused, then shared how the driver turned on some light-hearted music in their van. She recalled how wonderful this choice felt in that moment. “Our driver played fun music and really helped lift the mood to be a happy one. He really inspired me when he did this. Made me realise that since it was night time, and we aren’t going to get enough sleep anyway, why not we make this a fun trip?”
Zoe returned to Singapore not only with an archive of new experiences, but also with a new love for singing!
Zoe mentioned another moment that inspired her greatly. “In the middle of the night, it (the van) suddenly stopped! Many things raced through my mind; with cracks in the ice and the car stalling, what if we all drop into the water? But the drivers never complained. They just got off, analysed the situation, fix things up, then move on.”
Zoe’s face filled with awe as she shared this, a smile stretching across her face. “Seeing the drivers taught me that, when something goes wrong? Fix it. And more importantly, do so with a light heart.
Let this be an adventure, instead of a nightmare.
This is how I want to live my life from now on.”
Zoe then suddenly leaned towards me on the ZOOM screen, and excitedly confessed that upon her return to Singapore, she started singing karaoke. I laughed in surprise, as she proceeded to talk about her house has a karaoke set but she has never used it because she hates singing. “But! When I came back, I asked my husband to karaoke with me, and we sang! The experience with the driver who played fun songs for us to sing at night was so inspiring for me. After singing one song, my husband expected me to pass back the mike but I held on. He was shocked, because he knew I didn’t like to sing. I just told him, ‘I want to change my life. I want to sing.”
Zoe’s experience with the driver and his light-hearted music as their van races across the icy lake in the dark of the night has taught her this; Singing can help us let go of emotions, release negativity and help put us in good spirits.
“So, I want to sing more!” Zoe declared cheerfully.
Q: WHAT ARE SOME MESSAGES OR REMINDERS THAT YOU TOOK AWAY FROM YOUR TIME IN BL4?
This trip inspires me to want to take trips like this every year, to truly go enjoy my life. The world is so beautiful, there’s so much I haven’t explored yet. I’ve only ever been to tourist attraction places because I’m scared! I learn that when I take risks, this is what I get; waking up to breath-taking scenery, sipping on a cup of coffee while looking into the horizon…”
Zoe then asked me, “Have you ever seen poop and pee frozen?!”
Caught off-guard, a burst of laughter left my chest. I shook my head, chuckling.
“If not now,
then when?”
Zoe laughed along with me. “Exactly. I want to go to places and keep seeing new things, experience what I have never before. That’s how we can grow.”
Q: ANY LAST WORDS FOR ANYONE CONSIDERING TO JOIN THE NEXT EDITION OF BEYOND LIMITS?
Zoe raised a finger solemnly. “I only have one thing for them.
Not now, then when?”
She explained, “It is a fearful journey, because doing this charity expedition brings you way beyond your comfort zone. Don’t even think about cancer survivors who have issues to deal with, normal people will struggle too. But, take the courage to do something different, to see a new perspective in life. When we have a different mindset, our life will change too. You will see the result of this choice in a few years time.
Just wait for it, and stay tuned! You will see the way things change for you, once you participate in Beyond Limits.”
If my interview with Zoe has piqued your interest, you can read more about the upcoming Beyond Limits charity expedition here.
You can also watch the official video to witness moments of our journey, beautifully captured by our videographer Paul Pan. We also have a video featuring Zoe and Ananthi’s stories, two brave warriors who chose to come onboard Beyond Limits 4 because they have personal stories that relate to our cause. Watch them share their stories here.
And regardless, here’s a parting message from this article to you;
If not now, then when?
Article written by: Valerie
Valerie, a freelance writer with a quirky infatuation with steamed buns and slightly bizarre food combinations.
(“Try soft-boiled eggs and hot milo!”)
She wishes to keep writing stories that bypass typical food reviews and appreciation of scenery, stories that inspire readers to pursue curious conversations about the unique cultures and lifestyles of every country.
