Crash landing on Kyrgyzstan: Falling in love with fear!
Prologue
“Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood.”
My extension of that quote is that Fear is only understood when it is faced & experienced.
And what is a Beyond Expeditions trip without going beyond your boundaries?
Chapter 1: Abroad
Imagine this:
You are skiing again after a few years away.
You enjoy runs down the entry-level hill & feel warmed up and hungry for a bigger challenge.
You are the only one in the group with skiing experience and will have to go alone.
You can’t read the signs in Kyrgyz and have no idea which ski lift leads where.
Do you go or do you stay on the safe hill?
The full group happy & geared up!
“I'm all the way here, heck it! Try something higher babe,” rang through my head.
Going solely by intuition, I chose a ski lift and sat down with blind faith that somehow, I will make it down. The lift ascended up the mountain and as it neared a landing I got ready to ski off, only to realise with horror that my lift was headed up higher still.
I started feeling nervous but when I turned around, I was awestruck at the view - a clear view of the whole mountain range down into the valley and suddenly I felt so lucky to even be on this ride.
The feeling lasted but the view did not, as all of a sudden, the weather changed too. Visibility drastically dropped as the wind whipped thick fresh snow upon me. At that point, I’m starting to panic and genuinely thinking what the hell have I just done - I am totally out of my league.
The lift finally reaches the top and I was glad I was even able to ski off smoothly with my wobbly knees. The slope is steep and the wind howls. I can barely see the rest of the route.
I find a safe spot to sit down first and calm myself, double check my equipment, and strap on my goggles. I look at other folks around me seemingly confident about what they are doing and worry about my descent.
After hyping myself up, I stand on my skis & lean into gravity. Speed builds up fast and before I know it, I'm swishing down the curve to the first big edge. Yes, edge. Meaning the incline is so steep that you can’t see the rest of the path beyond the drop. Like a waterfall.
I don’t have a fear of heights after overcoming it at age 9 at an outdoor camp, but I do have a fear of getting injured alone on a snowy mountain without knowing anyone nor the language.
After a few deep breaths, I decide to face my fear & ski over the edge. In an instant, it was lightning speed and all I could hear was the wind against my ears, snow crunching and thoughts in my head. ‘You got this, turn here, a little bit more, lean into your right, lift up the left, don’t panic, good job girl, one more now’.
It was going well till the trail led to another steep ledge and I was going so fast I knew if I didn’t stop, I might lose control. I decided to safely fall to stop myself. A tiny tumble later I managed to stop myself just before the ledge and catch my breath. Adrenaline is pumping and honestly the speed is exhilarating.
The first lesson here is that it’s okay to stop yourself mid-way if it will give you more clarity & control for the next leg of the journey. It’s okay to pause when you are moving fast, either on a project or a job or even a relationship. Sometimes what you need most IS to slow down & stop, and re-centre yourself before dropping into the thick of it again.
I go down the second big ledge and find myself leaning into the speed a bit more and enjoying making the turns just before I crash into the tall fir trees lining the route. That said, it still was very steep and out of my comfort zone.
I reach the third edge and guess what, it’s the ski lift station I saw on the way up, and there was a ski lift that took people down!
Truthfully, I briefly considered it for a second before the bigger part of my spirit said ‘No way! You already made it here, you can make it all the way down’. I did not want to give up.
Lesson #2 is sometimes we inhibit ourselves with overthinking. Call it being a responsible adult or having irrational cautiousness (like Kiasu culture in Singapore), sometimes we hold ourselves back, but like Babe Ruth said, "Don't let the fear of striking out hold you back.”
And remember what I said earlier about everyone seeming so confident? As I made my way down, I saw others also struggling, holding onto friends or nervously pausing before ledges like me. After my previous fall, two girls passed by close to me, gave me a smile and a universal ‘okay’ hand sign. That simple gesture alone brought me some comfort – a little reminder that I wasn’t alone.
As I crossed the third ledge and made my way down, I saw the two girls from before at the side of the route, one had fallen, but they seemed okay and were standing back up together. Such scenes of striving were side by side to scenes of mastery – with more experienced skiers and snowboarders whooshing past me gracefully. Who amazed me the most however, were the children absolutely sending this route! Fearless little ones zooming down without hesitation was such an inspiration.
As the steep incline slowly mellowed out, I finally felt in the groove, so much so that I could take out my camera and film the rest of my descent! They say it always ends when you’re having fun and that was so right as the next thing I knew, a left turn become my last and I had finally, reached the bottom of the route safely.
Lesson #3 is that the most important race truly is yours alone, and that comparison is unfounded. If I had tried to match the pace of the pros, I would have gotten injured. If I had clung to other people in fear of being alone, I would still be on the mountain. What matters is that we all make it down in the end. So whatever journey you are in, allow yourself to go at your own pace.
At that moment I was giddy with so many emotions, ranging from relief to disbelief to the undeniable wish to do it again! (Unfortunately, the ski lifts had closed by then).
It’s funny how I feared the speed, but now wish I had given into it more, or had the chance to relive it again, with the knowledge that I would be braver and more assured the second time round.
The daily theme is truly conquering mountains and fears. Today, I've learnt that doing scary things is a mental battle. How you practise positive & affirming self-talk is critical to cultivating courage, trust & belief to go through with difficult things.
Lesson #4 is fear can really freeze your body and paralyse your mind. The way you talk to yourself is key to pushing past that, and once you do the thing that terrified you, it becomes so much more accessible and repeatable. That’s what growth is – pushing past discomfort & feeling empowered from realising you were capable after all.
I quickly re-established contact with my group to reassure them that I was alive despite taking longer than expected to come down. They had already packed up and I ran to meet them at the carpark, relishing in the last stretch of snow gently falling and decorating the tall trees like icing sugar.
We drive away and stop at the roadside of a creek to pop celebratory champagne to mark the end of our winter expedition! It was a pretty surreal moment to be sipping bubbly next to a cold mountain creek.
Watch my reel on this moment here!
Lesson #5, and last takeaway from this episode of internal triumph, is that there are always bigger mountains to climb. You may be good at your small slope, but if you never try to expand beyond your fears, you will never grow. That major route (above 3,400masl) was fully a stretch assignment and I am genuinely so proud of myself for conquering it.
Moral of the story is, you’re a badass when you believe you are one, and hype yourself up to be one.
Chapter 2: At Home
It is important to me to talk about chasing growth at home too, as I want to reassure you that opportunities for expansion are not only found miles away in remote places. They can be found right here in tiny Singapore too!
I also want to add that not only fear dissipates when you face & experience it - the same also goes for preconceived notions. So here is a story of overcoming bias & rediscovering a new face of home.
Welcome to Fort Serapong, and step into the mystery of Sentosa with Beyond Expeditions.
I am sure I am not the only Singaporean who assumes they have seen most of Singapore all while knowing that is not true.
We so often underestimate our own home in search for wild untamed adventures abroad, however the truth is, there is wild adventure here too, if you pay enough attention to find it.
I signed up for Fort Serapong, a team bonding adventure with no expectations, and walked away in awe of realising there is so much more to this tiny island that I have yet to explore.
Blindfolded along the path, listening to sounds of nature & smiling from inside the bunkers.
So, you may have heard about Sentosa’s beaches & attractions, but did you know it is also home to military history?
Fort Serapong is a historical fortress constructed by the British in 1879. It comprises an intricate network of military bunkers and subterranean passages, housing massive naval artillery that once safeguarded Singapore's southern waters from pirates and enemy vessels.
Today, nature has reclaimed Fort Serapong, with tree roots winding around the pillars, plants growing through collapsed roofs and staircases succumbing to rust.
Problem solving puzzles and feeling we have time travelled into the past!
The trip offers a memorable glimpse into Singapore's colonial and wartime history, but is much more than just a tour. Besides being blindfolded and walking while pulling a rope as the introduction, the experience was made super engaging with captivating narrative, immersive storytelling, and interactive props that breathe life into history!
You basically role-play a soldier defending Singapore and you have to complete missions at each historical site. So call your friends, put on your detective hat to solve puzzles, pass quizzes, find clues and decode ciphers to unlock your way out.
Hidden panoramic viewpoints and gingerly exploring concealed structures along the trail.
My favourite part was the very last lookout point on Granite Hill. I know it’s so cliche to exclaim “it doesn't feel like Singapore!”, but it really didn't.
But actually, my biggest takeaway from this experience was that it IS Singapore, and that our little island home is way more than just the city, and under all the metal and glass, there is history, there is nature, and there is mystery.
My perspective was expanded and my attitude was changed. Now I’m more curious to find what other sides of Singapore there are to discover.
If you are curious, here is the full list of sites the Fort Serapong adventure brings you on, with some being prohibited to the public so you can only experience them with licensed guides like BE: Fort Serapong, the Spur Battery Command Post, 4 beautiful viewpoints, British Kitchen Complex, Serapong Casemates, and Serapong Ruins.
Truly an unforgettable immersive quest that steps you back in time. A day that redefined my perception of Sentosa and its real hidden treasures!
Long exposure light painting of “BEYOND” that I did in the cold night at Son Kul Lake, took a few tries but this was worth the frozen fingers.
Epilogue
“One of the greatest discoveries a man makes, one of his great surprises, is to find he can do what he was afraid he couldn’t do.”
There is nothing more empowering to realise that you can do what you once feared, and nothing more liberating than redefining your perspectives on something and embracing curiosity instead.
There is always adventure if you dare to seek it. See you on the other side when you go b e y o n d!
*Fort Serapong photos credit to Seek Sophie.
Photographs & Words by Kahmy
Kahmy is an adventurous dreamer & jack of many trades. She travels the world with her camera, journal & open heart.
With boundless energy & courage, she feels called to inspire people to reconnect with themselves, nature and each other.
Watch more of her travel stories & tips on Youtube!
